i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
