babies were throwing up all over the place
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
