he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He passed out mid-signature
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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