Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
