people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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