i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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