bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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