this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
