I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
