I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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