i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just had sex on a roof
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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