My room smells like vodka and shame
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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