Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
