and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
