I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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