What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
