y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
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Drake has all the answers
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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