also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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