All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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