I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I want a musical about memes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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