its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
