the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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