I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
