what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
