it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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