Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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