gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
