ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
