I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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