she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
