1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
