I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
