Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
