I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
