I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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