Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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