Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
