I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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