then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
