I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
