Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize