I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize