will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
