it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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