i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
