butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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