can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
