ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
