and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
