my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
