a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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