I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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