I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
