you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
