just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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