Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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