In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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