They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
