is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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