if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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