:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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