I'm going to jail i love you
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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