Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There r osticjed everywhere
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
A+ Viking dick
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
