sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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