I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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