physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
