She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
