She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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